It was a usual Saturday afternoon for our family. Just mum, dad, and I, in the foodcourt of a famous mall at North Edsa. No, not that one. The one connected to the train station. It’s better there. In our usual spot for nearly over a decade, surrounded by cups of coffee and silence despite being in front of each other (thanks to our smartphones), we waited for the day to pass by. Coffee, Mass, and groceries was our mundane routine every Saturday for as long as I can remember.

Earlier that morning I contemplated whether or not I should indulge my cousins’ invitation for “bonding”. We all know that meant tons of alcohol and consecutively louder, wasted laughs. But I was hindered not by myself, but by some force I cannot reason with. Only later did I discover what it was and why it did so.

I bought the coffee that afternoon. It’s a much needed change of pace from an arguably mind-numbing routine. While waiting for the senior citizens to finish their inexplicably long order as they should, I felt a buzz from within — my phone was ringing. I’ve gotten better at detecting vibrations from phones; we all know how this became a chore after the era of the leg-breaking 3310. “Hello, Jake”, in a teary, down voice, my auntie greeted. From that point onwards, I knew.

And I was right. A few minutes before I walked towards the store to buy coffee, I received a phone call from the same aunt. My grandma was being revived. The new news sent no shockwaves through my body. The implications of the phone call did. I had to tell my parents – mum, of all people – that grandma is dead. I was, in a way, a harbinger of death.

The ride home.

The following mo(u)rning arrived as it should. The air was lighter than expected, which I took advantage to steel myself not for me but for her, for mum. When death usually penetrated through my thin skin and cause downpours from my eyes, this morning went differently. I consoled myself by looking at things objectively.

The Dichotomy of Control.

“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”

– Epictetus

As difficult as it is for most of us, death is one of the many things that is beyond our control, making up 95% of everything that happens. What’s left is our perception of them. And while it sounds coldblooded for some of you, death is death and we cannot do anything about it. What we can control, though, is how we take it in. Yes, grandmother is dead, what does it imply? She’s now free from pain. She no longer struggles. If you believe in the afterlife, she’s now in heaven as the priest who offered Mass told us in his sermon yesterday. And our expenses have been ended. The list goes on but you understand my point.

Death comes for all of us.

Among the things that cause divisions to humankind, death is one that binds us all. Everyone will face the reaper at one point. It could be in an hour, a day or two, a week from now, or even while you read this. Do not be afraid. Keep close to heart what Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius said:

“…why should it [death] be feared by any? Is not this according to nature? But nothing that is according to nature can be evil.” 

Death is natural to us as breathing, eating, sleeping. It is simply a biological process that can be triggered by anything. Why spend our brief existence worrying about death when we can use it to live our best lives. We will all be forgotten soon, each and every one of us. In the grand scale of things, of endless space and eternal time, we are mere specks of dust and that is all there is to it. So why be anxious? Let death motivate us to be alive in every second of the present time, living our lives, and cherishing who and what we have while we still can!

Things happen as they should. Accept them. Learn from them.

To many there is an order in the universe. I believe in such. That there is a reason for everything that happens is something undeniable for me, even if I cannot fathom it. Whether it’s from an almighty, loving God, or from an uncaring universe, things happen as they should. To some extent we can predict what happens, like when a someone is sick, we can determine what happens based on what the doctors say or how the patient appears. Whatever happens, happens. Confusing as it is (and it should be), that’s how life goes. Sometimes we know, mostly we don’t, and that is fine. We were not meant to know when the leaves on our backyard fall nor when our bosses promote us (if ever, at all). Things happen as they do. This is not meant to de-power us, instead, it should teach us. In every circumstance is or are virtues to be learned. And for me, in my grandmother’s death, it was fortitude or the ability to resist fear. I had to be a man for my mother, for my relatives, and for myself. A pillar in our family has fallen and another must take its place.

“To welcome with affection what is sent by fate. Not to stain or disturb the spirit within him with a mess of false beliefs. Instead, to preserve it faithfully, by calmly obeying God – saying nothing untrue, doing nothing unjust.”

– Marcus Aurelius