Comedy, hope, and suicide.

Do you believe that life has inherent meaning? Are you one of those people who thinks that every action we do has greater implication than how it initially appears? Or are you like those who believe that there is nothing more to ‘now’? That everything is what it appears to be, and that no guiding force, no universal order is at play? While a debate between these two opposing question rages on, which I honestly think will never reach a satisfying conclusion, I believe there is another more pressing question to ponder: Will it matter if if does or doesn’t? I will not give you answers, as I do not have them. I am merely exploring, trying to just scratch the surface of this age-old question. Join me as I yet again reflect on this through the lens of the highly-acclaimed film, Joker. And of course, spoilers ahead.

Nothing but a FLECK of dust.

Arthur Fleck or Wayne (we don’t know for certain) is a pitiful Gothamite. For someone who experienced pain and misfortune day after day, it was quite amazing, and frankly, inspiring, to see him put on a happy face through all of it. The sobering reality in this film is people like Arthur really do exist. He could be the drunkard we pass by the train station everyday, the hobo who routinely looks for scraps at the dumpster, or that yuppie who, at face value, looks like he has his shit together. But dive deeper and you’ll see he barely holds it all together. These people keep trying to better their lives. In Arthur’s case, he knew he was facing mental problems, hence the psychiatrist we see him talking to at multiple points of the film. He took medicine to combat this illness yet life seemed to JUST WANT HIM DOWN. Life, society, call it what you want, relentlessly kicked him down figuratively and literally. French philosopher and journalist Albert Camus perfectly captures the struggle and exhaustion Arthur exhumes throughout the entire film:

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

Camus is well-known for his take on absurdism, which, simply put, means that life has no inherent meaning. This philosophy is the subversion of everything that religion or anything that implies meaning in the grand scheme of things. In Joker, we see this type of absurdity right from the get go when a couple of teenagers steal Arthur’s sign board, bait him into chasing them, and finally beat the living hell out of him. Or during the bus ride when he was called out by the mom of the child he was making smile. The entire film is absurd.

Stairway to madness.

Arthur’s slow, painful descent or (ascent) to madness is what I’d call logical. Yes, logical. Arthur did try to change his status and even his condition, seeing how he kept on working on his career as a comedian and see the psychiatrist in hopes to at least cope with his mental problems. He had hope. He was resilient. Arthur was many things wrong but he did not just snap like a twig. There are man factors to consider on what led to his descent. What arguably was his tipping point was his mother.

How would you react if misfortune like this happened to you everyday?

Penny Fleck, played by the praise-worthy Frances Conroy, was the source of Arthur’s unstable character way before society kicked the hell out of him. She herself suffered from a mental illness – psychosis and others more – which opened an avenue for abuse. Don’t get me wrong, the illness wasn’t the direct cause of Arthur’s own. It was the subsequent physical abuse that came from Penny’s former boyfriend. This led to a traumatic childhood for the young Arthur that ultimately led to his then-present condition. Given his unpleasant childhood, do we get to blame him for the person he turned out to be? For the circumstances he didn’t choose to be born in? We’ll never know.

We live in a society.

I mentioned society numerous times for valid reasons. And besides, we knew it was coming. Society created Joker. What I mean by society creating Joker is that the people, the government, Gotham itself created him. From the corrupt officials stealing the resources meant to improve the lives of the citizens they have sworn to serve, to the indifference of the Gothamites themselves towards their fellow citizens, the hypocrisy of the rich who promise a bright future to the poor, and many more reasons to list, all these factors either directly or indirectly created chaos incarnate we all love to hate.

We truly live in a society.

Killing 3 Wall Street boys as his first debut as the Joker, Arthur’s action (or reaction to the injustice dealt to him) was seen as a righteous vengeance, a resistance if you may, by the suffering majority of Gotham. From this stirred beast arose chaos, anarchy – rebellion. It’s almost as if the sleeping majority was just waiting for the first move, and in the afterglow of that movement, anger, resentment, rage followed suit. Once more, Camus had the right words to describe this:

“In order to exist, man must rebel, but rebellion must respect the limits that it discovers in itself – limits where minds meet, and in meeting, begin to exist.”

After his first stunt, he began to exist in the minds of Gothamites, hence he began to rebel. Arthur was finally becoming noticed and he wasn’t letting this opportunity slip away. He began to have an idea of who he was or rather, who he was supposed to be, thus he further asserted himself on Gotham. We must assume that, in all the pain and suffering he experienced, Arthur believed his rebellion against the system, against society is right. Camus, in a way, affirmed Arthur’s actions by saying:

“Rebellion cannot exist without the feeling that somewhere, in some way, you are justified.”

And he is right, I believe. That Arthur wanted to be noticed was seeded in the entire film, and fully blossomed during his biggest moment: his appearance on live television. During his brief appearance, Arthur expressed all his resentment towards society and materialized it by killing Murray Franklin. This created waves throughout Gotham which fully awakened the sleeping beast.

Society birthed Joker. Can we blame him for it?

I’m Batman and she’s Joker. Yes, we coexist.

Around 10 PM time last night, my girl and I were preparing for our weekly habit: arguing. It was a long day for both of us and what better way to top it off than with good ‘ol fashioned bickering. A typical night yesterday was, although I can’t say I’m a fan.

My girl she is a strong, independent woman literally in every sense. Born without any silver utensil in her mouth, she was raised unorthodox and fought her way to where she is now and I couldn’t be any prouder; she’s strong is where I’m getting at. Needless to say I—-nope not going to sing that…keep her in check. Ugh, had to do it. Needless to say she is a no non-sense person. She knows the value of things and is therefore practical. She’s mature beyond her years and she’s just turning 22 for Pete’s sake. While I on the other hand, was sucking a spoon, a fork, a panhandle, and for good measure, a damn knife when I was young. All silver, by the way. I was privileged and I didn’t realize the value of what I had (I still don’t but I’m working on it). All of these means she loves differently. Texting every 30 minutes isn’t her thing and neither is having a photo of us on social media. Knowwhatimsayin? I’m the opposite. I express my love in ways she doesn’t. Wouldn’t. Different love languages, what can we do right?

So what happens when you mix a privileged white (Asian) man and a strong, independent Asian woman? Or as my moon and stars puts it: an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Havoc. You get havoc. Our arguments spring from the littlest of things no thanks to our contrasting perspectives (I’m no idiot or spend-all-you-want type, btw. I’m decently smart) Whether it’s a photograph or the tone-of-your-voice-on-a-particular word-that-the-other-party-interpreted-as-sarcasm-therefore-offensive (that was a mouthful THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID), it’s a clown fiesta every time we fight and it’s excitingly tiresome. But my girl is everything to me even if I’m not hers because she has more pressing priorities. Our relationship is a difficult thing to manage, at least for me, but we weather the storm somehow.

You might be wondering “How do you handle your relationship if you don’t love each other eye-to-eye?“, “Is it even possible to love someone if you differ so much?“, “How do you do it?” Truth is, dear reader, I don’t know how. Ours is a continuous process of learning, of compromising, of hurt, of love. I can only help you insomuch that I have experienced and learned things myself. With that in mind, listen well.

Know her love language and yours, then find the middle ground.

Acts of service and quality time are my girl’s love languages…I think. If you’re somehow reading this, my love, you’re the first and last thought in my mind. And I’m sorry for not knowing your love language. Mine are physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. With quality time being our middle ground, that’s how we compromise and squeeze in a bit of the others along the way. Oh yes, and a whole lot of hugs and kisses. ❤

50-50 should NOT always be the only standard.

Perhaps it’s just me and a few others who assume that effort should always be split into equal halves. Is it an innate trait in our human nature I cannot determine but as far as I now know, we cannot put everything in a box. In a “50-50” shaped box. My closest friend whom I consider my sister said:

“Di always 50/50.
Madalas 80/20 60/40
70/30 90/10

But always a hundred.

Translation: it’s not always 50/50, it’s often 80/20 60/40 70/30 90/10. But always a hundred. Let that last sentence ring and reflect on it.

Compromise but know when enough is enough.

Just like how a ship will not move in your desired direction without her entire crew working together, so is a relationship. You won’t get anywhere. Sooner or later, one or even both of you will drift away and call it quits. God I pray you won’t suffer that cuz it hurts like a moth*AS@#!@#$. You give, you take. She gives, she takes. This is simply a culmination of everything because love demands sacrifice and change. She likes Marugame and udon? Then we eat there every now and then. God bless me because I learned to love that restaurant. Those thick and chewy noodles give meaning to my life! But when the compromise draws too close for comfort say, she/he wants you to drop your religion and convert to his/hers or else you’d break up is where you draw the line. You don’t just ask someone to rid something intimate, something from the bosom of their being, more so to threaten them with your relationship! It’s like telling someone they are free to choose but the moment they disagree with you, they’re wrong and will be punished. You call that borderline psychotic and manipulative. A relationship should be nothing less than a home where both of you blossom into the persons you’re meant to be.

This is how my girl and I survive and endure each other. Shoot me a DM on messenger and let me know how you weather your relationships! Chin up and keep smiling! ❤