gen-z | Jake's Little Void

A 21 year old’s crisis.

Posted on Sep 28, 2019 by Jk Andrew

Lately I’ve noticed myself fearing something…something vague and at the same time, distinct. I fear time. I fear aging. My mind is slowly being opened to the harsh, inevitable reality that our lives are linear and one-way. We only age forward. We only step into the same river once yet it is never the same again, and so are we. I am in the first year of my twenties and I already feel unaccomplished. It’s as if my life has not improved one bit since the year before. And while untrue, I cannot rid myself of this thought. I feel like I have not lived enough at all.

I feel unfulfilled.

I feel that life and youth are slipping away from me because I don’t party often. Because I have no “solid” circle of friends. Because I haven’t had sex enough (no one to do it with). Because I’m not making enough money to spend, for myself and for the people who matter, without much afterthought. Because after 9 months, I still struggle at work (not to mention all those fucks-up I did). Because I am not always in control of my emotions and sometimes act out of impulse and spurs of the moment. Because I’m just not good enough to be considered great at anything.

“What stands in the way becomes the way.”

It’s only *you* against the world, no one else.

These words I live by each day. They motivate me to continue struggling well, despite daily failures. The thought of life happening for me empowers me to face whatever I am dealt with each day.

“Very little is needed to live a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.“

I am independent. I am self-sufficient. “You don’t party enough…” …so what? Will I die if I don’t? “I have no solid circle of friends…” …so what? I am, as everyone else, born self-sufficient. Company is fantastic but it does not make me less human if I have none. “I don’t have sex enough…” …so what? Although I consider it my greatest struggle right now as not doing it makes me feel less desired, therefore of lesser value, it shouldn’t be the case. I must stop putting my worth or depending on others to judge it for me. I am the only judge of myself, of my soul. Should I desperately seek, I have my hands. If she doesn’t want me to satisfy her womanhood, it’s her loss. “I don’t have enough money…” …so what? All money could give me are material goods, and these things cannot bring lasting happiness. “I struggle at work, still…” …so what? Everyone does. Struggle means growth, and I have a lot of room to grow, which is good since it brings me closer to perfection. “I am not in control of my emotions…” …so what? Marcus Aurelius himself was overcome by passion, yet he always got back up, eager to try again.

“I’m not good enough…” …again, so what? Work on that thing which you’re not good at.

Be better.

Back off, Cupid.

Posted on Feb 11, 2019 by Jk Andrew

It’s only three days before Valentine’s. Do you have a date? Society’s pressure is nibbling at the back of your mind even as you desperately try to keep it at bay. “I need to get work done”, you helplessly mutter before you continue your tapping onto your laptop. We both know you’re not foolish enough to think anyone’s going to buy your false confidence; you can’t even fool yourself.

You stalk your exes to see if anyone’s as desperate to try again even just for a week, even if just for a day or two. As you hover on the message button on messenger and lose every bit of self-respect you have, your squad’s group chat head pops into existence. You’ve been saved! Or so you thought. “Who you takin’ out this Valentine’s”, your heart drops as you finish. “Jake, tell me you’re taking someone out this year! It’s been forever and you’re still not dating anyone!” Your heart hits rock bottom.

“Jake, tell me you’re taking someone out this year! It’s been forever and you’re still not dating anyone!” “Jake, tell me you’re taking someone out this year! It’s been forever…” Jake, tell me you’re taking someone out this year!” Jake, tell me you’re taking someone out…” Jake, tell me..” “Jake…” “…” These words bounce back and forth between your mind and your heart as you stare aimlessly at the wall as if looking at the void face-to-face. “…do I need to take someone out?” DO you? Do you really need one? Says who? What happens if you have no one? Does it make you less human? Less of a person? Then why do you, why do they tell us we need a date? Take a step back and look at things in a new perspective (ba dum tsss). Really, Panic! At The Disco puns aside, take a step back. Where does this “need” come from? Why do we even celebrate Valentine’s day at all? Why?

WHAT VALENTINE’S

A bit of history wouldn’t hurt. “…the popular customs of showing love and affection on St. Valentine’s Day is almost a coincidence with the feast day of the saint…a common belief in England and France was that birds began to pair on Feb. 14…For this reason, the day was dedicated to “lover” and prompted the sending of letters, gifts, or other signs of affection.” “Uhmm…what did I just read“, is what you’re saying right now. “How on earth is Valentine’s day, the day of love, related to birds mating and a saint??? Saint Valentine??? “…was also arrested, condemned to death for his faith, beaten with clubs, and finally beheaded on Feb. 14, AD 270. “YOU’RE NUTS, I’m not reading this any further you whackjob. I’m unfollowing this.” Be my guest. But for those of you who stayed, I understand how this all must feel. How does a beheaded saint connect to a day of love? Does it mean that this tradition was brought about by confidence? Perhaps.

SHAKE IT OFF

Shake off the thoughts of a dead saint and mating birds and instead, focus on the matter at hand. Do you need a date? Let’s see. Having no date would make you: still you, still human, still the same, nothing’s changed. Hmm, interesting. Let’s go further. “On Feb. 14, people are going out on nice, expensive dates.” So? You can go out yourself then or in any other time of the year. Mind-blowing, right? It’s all smoke and mirrors, empty desires made necessities shoved into us by society’s equally empty beliefs. You don’t have to do it just because everyone else is. If you do find ‘that’ someone, cool. Make everyday Valentine’s day for him/her, that’ll make your relationship strong. If you don’t, that’s alright too! Don’t rush a relationship because you’re pressured to having one. It’s not fair for you and for the other person.

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE, BUT NOT ALL THE TIME

So you’ve come to grips with not having a date and not forcing anything off of it. Now…what? What do you do? You discover yourself. “That’s freaking cheesy, man.” No, it’s not. Does doing things you like or doing things you’ve always wanted to do sound boring? Do what fulfills you. Love yourself! That way, you can free yourself from the insane thought that you are incomplete without someone. A lovely nightmare it may seem, it’s false. Think of all the priests, monks, nuns, and everyone else living “alone” but are genuinely happy. They exist and they’re contented. So could you. Let me make one thing clear: I’m not saying you should close your heart to love. I’m just dispelling the idea of you being dependent on someone else. You can be an independent person! You can be happy. IF and AND when the right one comes, you’ll be right and ready.