Around 10 PM time last night, my girl and I were preparing for our weekly habit: arguing. It was a long day for both of us and what better way to top it off than with good ‘ol fashioned bickering. A typical night yesterday was, although I can’t say I’m a fan.

My girl she is a strong, independent woman literally in every sense. Born without any silver utensil in her mouth, she was raised unorthodox and fought her way to where she is now and I couldn’t be any prouder; she’s strong is where I’m getting at. Needless to say I—-nope not going to sing that…keep her in check. Ugh, had to do it. Needless to say she is a no non-sense person. She knows the value of things and is therefore practical. She’s mature beyond her years and she’s just turning 22 for Pete’s sake. While I on the other hand, was sucking a spoon, a fork, a panhandle, and for good measure, a damn knife when I was young. All silver, by the way. I was privileged and I didn’t realize the value of what I had (I still don’t but I’m working on it). All of these means she loves differently. Texting every 30 minutes isn’t her thing and neither is having a photo of us on social media. Knowwhatimsayin? I’m the opposite. I express my love in ways she doesn’t. Wouldn’t. Different love languages, what can we do right?

So what happens when you mix a privileged white (Asian) man and a strong, independent Asian woman? Or as my moon and stars puts it: an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Havoc. You get havoc. Our arguments spring from the littlest of things no thanks to our contrasting perspectives (I’m no idiot or spend-all-you-want type, btw. I’m decently smart) Whether it’s a photograph or the tone-of-your-voice-on-a-particular word-that-the-other-party-interpreted-as-sarcasm-therefore-offensive (that was a mouthful THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID), it’s a clown fiesta every time we fight and it’s excitingly tiresome. But my girl is everything to me even if I’m not hers because she has more pressing priorities. Our relationship is a difficult thing to manage, at least for me, but we weather the storm somehow.

You might be wondering “How do you handle your relationship if you don’t love each other eye-to-eye?“, “Is it even possible to love someone if you differ so much?“, “How do you do it?” Truth is, dear reader, I don’t know how. Ours is a continuous process of learning, of compromising, of hurt, of love. I can only help you insomuch that I have experienced and learned things myself. With that in mind, listen well.

Know her love language and yours, then find the middle ground.

Acts of service and quality time are my girl’s love languages…I think. If you’re somehow reading this, my love, you’re the first and last thought in my mind. And I’m sorry for not knowing your love language. Mine are physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. With quality time being our middle ground, that’s how we compromise and squeeze in a bit of the others along the way. Oh yes, and a whole lot of hugs and kisses. ❤

50-50 should NOT always be the only standard.

Perhaps it’s just me and a few others who assume that effort should always be split into equal halves. Is it an innate trait in our human nature I cannot determine but as far as I now know, we cannot put everything in a box. In a “50-50” shaped box. My closest friend whom I consider my sister said:

“Di always 50/50.
Madalas 80/20 60/40
70/30 90/10

But always a hundred.”

Translation: it’s not always 50/50, it’s often 80/20 60/40 70/30 90/10. But always a hundred. Let that last sentence ring and reflect on it.

Compromise but know when enough is enough.

Just like how a ship will not move in your desired direction without her entire crew working together, so is a relationship. You won’t get anywhere. Sooner or later, one or even both of you will drift away and call it quits. God I pray you won’t suffer that cuz it hurts like a moth*AS@#!@#$. You give, you take. She gives, she takes. This is simply a culmination of everything because love demands sacrifice and change. She likes Marugame and udon? Then we eat there every now and then. God bless me because I learned to love that restaurant. Those thick and chewy noodles give meaning to my life! But when the compromise draws too close for comfort say, she/he wants you to drop your religion and convert to his/hers or else you’d break up is where you draw the line. You don’t just ask someone to rid something intimate, something from the bosom of their being, more so to threaten them with your relationship! It’s like telling someone they are free to choose but the moment they disagree with you, they’re wrong and will be punished. You call that borderline psychotic and manipulative. A relationship should be nothing less than a home where both of you blossom into the persons you’re meant to be.

This is how my girl and I survive and endure each other. Shoot me a DM on messenger and let me know how you weather your relationships! Chin up and keep smiling! ❤